Funny Pink Banana Hammock Mens Swimsuits
Critical Shopper | Parke & Ronen
Swimsuits Make the Man
THERE is a sad deficiency of well-made men's swimwear. Apart from classic surfer shorts from reliable suppliers like Birdwell, we are drowning in a sea of bunchy nylon, bad graphics and unfortunate cuts.
You know it's bad when the most prevalent and popular trunks are hideously baggy knee-length board shorts covered with weird neon symbols, strange netting and stripes. They make you look like a human energy drink. Even fashion-y swimsuits are lame and poorly rendered. Last summer there was a big "square-cut brief" trend, and I bought a pair from a place called Bang Bang or Boing Boing, I can't remember. By July, they had stretched out into the shape of an adult diaper.
My personal misfortune just shows how the lack of swimsuit style can stunt a man's ability to make good decisions. Just one misstep in judgment, and you could end up looking like Sarkozy in a Speedo for the entire summer, and what's worse, not even know it.
Fortunately there are stores like Parke & Ronen, a small, brightly lighted shop on Ninth Avenue that has been turning out nice-fitting swimsuits in an array of colors and splashy prints since 2002, thereby doing its part to rid beaches of gaudy board shorts and Borat banana hammocks.
The boutique was playing jumpy dance-hall reggae when I visited last week. The swimsuits are displayed in the center of the room on shelves beneath a glass-top table. Selections of shirts, shorts, lightweight pants and other clothing for dry land are arranged by color along the walls. Above them are totes and shoulder bags, with flip-flops on the floor. For a few minutes I was the only customer, but then two buff men swooped in. The three of us stared at the table with intensity, cruising the suits to find the hottest pair.
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The store focuses on four styles: the bikini brief ($80); the four-inch boxer ($95); eight-inch surfer shorts ($80) and something the shop calls snap shorts ($85). These are tight-fitting trunks that may remind you of something Sean Connery wore in "Thunderball," or something a hustler may have worn while working Santa Monica Boulevard in 1978, depending on your frame of reference. They were folded neatly underneath the table in an array of stripes, plaids and groovy paisley patterns.
A waiflike boy-clerk explained in a barely audible voice that I would probably be a 30 or 32. After a bit of struggle finding the waist size, I grabbed two pairs of snap shorts, one in a red plaid and one in minty green and blue stripe; two bikinis, one in a pink and blue stripe and one solid blue; and two pairs of four-inch boxers in shiny deep blue and olive. I had to nab them before the other guys got to them first. Life is like a gay bar.
Pulling some shirts and shorts from the walls, I headed for the dressing room. A pair of cotton khaki shorts ($128) were perfect. They had narrow legs and well-constructed pockets that didn't bunch. A short-sleeve shirt in a reddish plaid check ($148) was nicely subdued. It had a narrow body and sleeves that were snug, but not overly so, around the biceps.
The store knows how to dress its base clientele here in Chelsea, the playground of gym-going guys who have necks the size of a Bushwick hipster's waist and want to show off their bodies. The clothes are designed to accentuate the male physique but not in a trashy or tweaked-out way — a delicate balance to pull off.
The clothes are also refreshingly optimistic and fun. A long-sleeve shirt in a wacky black-and-white geometric print ($248) could have been stolen from the closet of the late, great Charles Nelson Reilly; a pair of yellow and white seersucker shorts ($108), with a matching vest ($108), could not be worn if you refuse to smile.
Only when it came time to try on the swimsuits did I realize the only mirror was outside the dressing rooms. The waif boy sat by it, busily texting on his cellphone, maybe attending to me, maybe making sure I wasn't shoplifting. I was trapped. Trying on skimpy swimsuits is a very private act. No man — gay, straight or demigod — looks sexy while checking himself in the mirror to see if his backside looks fat.
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The bikini briefs lovingly embraced my lower region, the thick stripes adding some flair. But if I'm going to spend $80 on a swimsuit, I'm going to wear it all summer, even when I visit my sweet mom in August, and I don't want to frighten the poor woman. The snap shorts were snug and sassy, but not quite the right style for me. The four-inch boxers were my favorites. Unlike countless swim trunks I have tried on at Old Navy, Target and elsewhere, they draped well and didn't flatten out like a miniskirt.
The next day, I talked to Ronen Jehezkel, who started the company with Parke Lutter in 1997. After six years designing men's wear, they decided they needed a niche and turned their focus to swimsuits, using one of their tailored pants as a pattern — a simple but much needed solution to the scourge of baggy bottoms on the market.
Now they come out with four swimsuit collections a year: a resort line at the end of October; Spring 1 at the beginning of January; Spring 2 in March; and the summer collection in May, now in the store. They like to keep the stock changing, never repeating a print, so guys aren't likely to see the same suit on someone else on Fire Island and drown themselves in the ocean out of embarrassment.
I can't wait for summer. If you do see me in some snap shorts, please don't tell me I look like a mess until Sept. 15.
Parke & Ronen
176 Ninth Avenue (near 21st Street); (212) 989-4245.
BEACH HOUSE A one-stop Chelsea shop of men's swimsuits, shorts, flip-flops and other vacation wear for guys settling on a summer wardrobe.
DIVE IN The selection is large, the sizes run small and the staff is shy, so you have to try on a lot of suits before finding the right fit.
WAVE OF SHAME There is one full-length mirror in the back of the store. If you have inhibitions, bring a trusted friend to tell you that something makes you look like a "before" photo in a NutriSystem ad.
Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/22/fashion/22CRITIC.html
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